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Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. ~ Isaiah 7:14
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These jokes are SOOOO bad. Can you imaging how bad the jokes were that I chose NOT to include here?

Punny Christmas Jokes
  • What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense?
    Wait, there's myrrh.

  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

  • What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

  • What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
    Santa Pause.

  • What do snowmen eat for desert?
    Ice crispies.

  • How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit?
    Nurse them back to elf.

  • What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa's workshop?
    A rebel without a Claus!

  • What do you call a reindeer ghost?

  • What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
    A meltdown.

  • Why are elves such great motivational speakers?
    They have plenty of elf-confidence.

  • What reindeer game do reindeer play at sleepovers?
    Truth or deer.

  • What did Santa say when he stepped into a big puddle?
    It must have reindeer.

  • What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
    A Pony Sleigh Station.

  • What is Santa's dog's name?
    Santa Paws!

  • Where do Santa's reindeer stop for coffee?

  • What’s the absolute best Christmas present?
    A broken drum — you can’t beat it!

  • What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?
    You get tinsel-itis.

  • What do Santa's elves learn in school?
    The elf-abet.

  • What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?

  • What do grapes sing at Christmas?
    'Tis the season to be jelly.

  • What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
    The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

  • What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
    A cookie sheet!

  • Who is never hungry at Christmas?
    The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
Santa Claus Jokes
  • Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill?
    Jack Frost.

  • How do elves respond when Santa takes attendance?

  • What's red and white and falls down chimneys?
    Santa Klutz.

  • How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm?
    His sleigh is pulled by RAINdeer.

  • What's Santa Claus's favorite type of potato chip?
    Crisp Pringles!

  • Why does Santa go down the chimney?
    Because it soots him!

  • How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas?
    They use Santa-Tizer.

  • How do you know when Santa’s around?
    You can always sense his presents.

  • How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
    Nothing, it was on the house!

  • What do you call a broke Santa Claus?

  • What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
    Santa walking backward!

  • What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
    A Christmas quacker.

  • Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve?
    He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.

  • Who’s Santa’s favorite singer?
    Elfish Presley.
Christmas Tree Jokes
  • Which former president planted the most Christmas trees?
    Wood-row Wilson.

  • What do they sing to Christmas trees at their retirement parties?
    Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow

  • What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed?
    It started his own branch.

  • How do Christmas trees get their email?
    They log-on.

  • Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist?
    It needed a root canal!

  • What did Luke Skywalker say after he planted a Christmas tree farm?
    May the forest be with you!

  • How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out?
    They spruce up!

  • What is a Christmas tree's favorite candy?

  • Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
    Because the present's beneath them.

  • What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree?
    Christmas chopping!

  • What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
    Nice gnawing you!

  • What month does a Christmas tree hate the most?
Christmas Knock-Knock Jokes
  • Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dewey. Dewey who?
    Dewey know how long it is until Santa gets here?

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Wayne. Wayne who?
    A Wayne in a manger

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Noah. Noah who?
    Noah good Christmas joke?

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary. Mary who?
    Mary Christmas!

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Chris. Chris who?
    Christmas is here!

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Olive. Olive who?
    Olive Christmastime, don’t you?

  • Knock, knock Who’s there? Honda. Honda who?
    Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dexter. Dexter who?
    Dexter halls with boughs of holly

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Santa. Santa who?
    I Santa Christmas card to you, did you get it?

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Elf. Elf who?
    Elf me wrap this present for Santa!

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Holly. Holly who?
    Holly-days are here again!

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Interrupting Santa.Inter–
    Ho! Ho ! Ho! Merry Christmas!

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Anna. Anna who?
    Anna partridge in a pear tree.

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who?
    Avery merry Christmas to you!

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who?
    Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Coal. Coal who?
    Coal me if you hear Santa coming.

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Donut. Donut who?
    Donut open til Christmas!

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Justin. Justin who?
    Justin time for Christmas cookies!

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who?
    Gladys Christmas!

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho who?
    Your Santa impression needs a little work!

A blessed and wonderful Christmas to all of you.

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